How to Avoid Losing Yourself in Parenthood: A Guide for New Moms and Dads

Remember when you used to have hobbies? When your free time wasn’t spent folding tiny onesies or Googling “why is my baby making that noise?” Parenthood is a beautiful, life-changing journey - but let’s be honest, it’s also a whirlwind. It has a way of consuming every part of you, and before you know it, you’re losing yourself in parenthood. You’re not just “you” anymore - you’re mom or dad. you’re losing yourself in parenthood.And while that’s beautiful, it can also feel like you’ve lost a piece of yourself.

And you still matter.

But here’s the thing - you don’t have to disappear into parenthood. You can love your baby and still hold onto the person you were before. So, how do you find that balance? Let’s talk about it.

1. Give Yourself Permission to Be More Than “Mom” or “Dad”

Becoming a parent is a huge life shift, and it's easy to feel like you've lost parts of yourself in the process. Many new moms and dads find themselves so focused on their baby that they forget about their own needs, interests, and identity outside of parenthood.

2. Prioritize Small Moments of “Me Time”

You might not have hours to dedicate to hobbies, but you can carve out small moments. Love reading? Listen to an audiobook while feeding the baby. Miss working out? A quick walk outside counts. Even something as simple as taking five minutes to sip your coffee while it’s still hot makes a difference.

3. Keep Doing What You Love (Even If It Looks Different Now)

Maybe you used to spend weekends hiking or lost hours reading novels. Parenthood might change how often (or how long) you can do these things, but it doesn’t mean you have to give them up completely. Love yoga? Try a quick at-home session while the baby naps. Miss painting? Grab a sketchpad and doodle while watching them play. Adapt, don’t abandon.

4. Date Your Partner Again

It’s easy to slip into the “roommate phase” where you’re just two exhausted people keeping a tiny human alive. But your relationship deserves love too. Even if you can’t go out, create small moments - have a late-night dessert together, send sweet texts during the day, or just sit on the couch and talk. Looking for more ways to nurture your relationship while navigating new parenthood? We’ve got more tips in this blog post on how to keep intimacy alive.

Intimacy (both emotional and physical) matters, and reconnecting can help keep your relationship strong. (Want to know when it’s safe to have sex after birth? Check out our guide on postpartum intimacy!)

5. Stay Connected to Friends

It’s easy to go MIA when you’re deep in newborn life, but social connections matter. Even a five-minute text convo with a friend can remind you that you’re more than just a diaper-changing machine. If leaving the house feels impossible, invite a friend over for coffee while the baby naps or join an online parenting group for support.

6. Remember That This Is a Season

Right now, parenthood might feel all-consuming. But babies grow, routines settle, and you’ll eventually find more time for yourself again. Be patient with this phase and give yourself grace.

Need Support? Haven Place Doulas Is Here for You

Finding balance in parenthood isn’t easy, and you don’t have to do it alone. If you’re in Boston or Massachusetts, our team at Haven Place Doulas can support you with postpartum care, emotional wellness, and resources to help you navigate this new chapter. Because you deserve to be nurtured too.

Let HPD help you rediscover yourself after baby!