When Motherhood Feels Out of Reach: Finding Hope Through Infertility

I’ve witnessed a lot of births. I’ve stood beside mothers as they roared through labor, held hands with partners as they whispered words of encouragement, and watched new life take its very first breath. It’s breathtaking, every time.

But because I’ve been in so many birth spaces, I also know the other side - the ache of wanting so badly to hold your own baby and wondering if that dream will ever come true. The quiet, hidden grief of seeing negative test after negative test, or experiencing the heartbreak of loss. I’ve sat with mothers whose arms were meant to be full but felt painfully empty. I’ve witnessed the bravery of families fighting for the chance to bring life into the world.

If you’re walking that road, I want you to know: I see you. I may not fully know your pain, but I hold space for it.

And I want you to hear this - you are not alone, even when it feels like you are.

As we recognize National Infertility Awareness Week (April 20-26), it’s a reminder that your story matters. This week is about breaking the silence, spreading awareness, and standing in solidarity with the millions of individuals and couples navigating infertility.

Infertility Is More Common Than You Think

Infertility is often a silent struggle, but it’s far from rare. According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), 1 in 5 women of childbearing age in the U.S. experience infertility, and 1 in 4 pregnancies end in miscarriage. And while infertility is often painted as a women’s issue, men face it too - with 1 in 3 infertility cases linked to male factors.

Yet despite how common it is, it can still feel isolating. Infertility comes with so many emotions, grief, guilt, longing, and hope, all tangled together. And if you’ve ever felt frustrated by well-meaning but hurtful comments like, “Just relax,” or “It’ll happen when you stop trying,” please know that your pain is valid. Infertility is not something you can simply will away.

The Emotional Weight of Infertility

Infertility is more than just a physical condition, it can impact your mental and emotional well-being, too. Studies show that women facing infertility are twice as likely to experience depression and anxiety. And it makes sense. The emotional rollercoaster of fertility treatments, dashed hopes, and endless waiting is exhausting.

And on top of that, you’re surrounded by a world that keeps moving forward. You might see pregnancy announcements on social media, hear friends talking about their growing families, or be invited to baby showers you’re not sure you can emotionally attend. It’s okay if you feel like you’re falling behind or if your heart aches a little in those moments.

You’re human. You’re allowed to feel it all.

Finding Hope Through the Hard Days

I know it might feel impossible right now, but hope still exists - even on the hardest days. It may not look like it once did, but it’s still there. It’s in the tiny steps you take each day, in the community that holds space for you, and in the possibility of a future you’re fighting for.

Here are some ways to keep hope alive during your infertility journey:

• Give yourself permission to grieve: Infertility is a loss—the loss of a dream you hoped would come easily. It’s okay to mourn that.

• Protect your peace: It’s okay to mute accounts or step away from situations that feel triggering. Your mental health matters.

• Find your people: Whether it’s through support groups, infertility forums, or close friends, having people who understand what you’re facing can be deeply healing.

• Take breaks when you need them: It’s okay to pause fertility treatments or step back from trying if you feel emotionally drained. You are not giving up - you’re honoring your heart.

• Be kind to your body: Infertility can sometimes make you feel disconnected from your body. Take gentle care of it—nourish it, rest it, and be patient with it.

You are not meant to walk this road alone. 

There are incredible organizations and resources that offer support, education, and community for those facing infertility:

• RESOLVE: The National Infertility Association – Offers support groups, resources, and advocacy for people struggling with infertility.

• The Hope for Fertility Foundation – Provides emotional and financial support for couples struggling with infertility.

• Fertility for Colored Girls – A non-profit dedicated to supporting women of color facing infertility.

You Are Still Whole

If you are walking the infertility path, please know this: Your worth is not tied to your ability to conceive. You are whole, beautiful, and complete - whether you are carrying a child in your womb, in your arms, or in your heart.

And if you need support along the way, Haven Place Doulas is here for you. While we specialize in birth support, we are also here to hold space for your infertility journey. Whether you need a listening ear, compassionate support, or someone to stand by your side, we are honored to walk with you.

If you are in Boston, Massachusetts, or the surrounding area, reach out to Haven Place Doulas for support. You are not alone - we are here, holding hope with you.